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Tuesday, June 15th, 2004
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11:49 pm
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Today I realized my hair smelled like you.
Well, maybe it doesn't smell like you, but in a way, it reminds me of you.
It made me smile. And I didn't bother brushing it out of my face as the wind created waves that danced into the shore...
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| Thursday, April 22nd, 2004
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10:58 pm - Never again
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I trusted you.
I feel like I've fallen into a freshly dug grave. I can still feel the sun on my skin and the rain on my face. I can look up and see the stars at night.
I can't see the flowers or the ocean, but I know they're there.
But where were you when I fell? When I needed you the most...
I've had enough of your tired excuses.
I hate you.
I wipe the sand from my eyes; take your hand in mine. Lead me away from the person you've become. Remembering the times we used to laugh while we drank on the porch. Blinded by the sunset, you're memory's faded.
Spinning silk, the cycle remains. Still just a boat on your horizon.
Never again will I wear my heart on my sleeve.
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| Thursday, April 1st, 2004
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10:33 pm
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Dear Jackie,
I thought we had gotten through our rough times. I was wrong. I don't like the fact that you talk about me behind my back... And listen, I'm happy for you and Paul. You know I didn't approve of you two dating at first because of Imbi, but we got over that. You two have been dating on and off for so long now that Imbi isn't in the picture any more.
My point is, it's not my fault. I know you're mad at me because Paul mentioned to you that he thought I was hot. Paul shouldn't have done that. Sorry, but I don't have control over the way my face looks or the size of my "hot ass". If you're really that insecure about yourself and your relationship then that's your problem, not mine. Don't bitch at me at lunch in front of everyone. You're just embarrassing yourself. This is your battle that you must fight with yourself. I have nothing to do with it.
Good luck with that.
Sincerely,
Me
There has been no one brighter than you
I can't deny these things that I do
Feels like the world's at stake 'cause
I have been waiting
I have been waiting for you
Today on the way to crew, I sat with James on the bus. It was weird. I got off the bus and just went, "Oh." I realized I don't like him anymore.
Whatever was there before is gone now. It's kind of disappointing, and I feel bad because I didn't want to hurt him.
Social studies with Steve, Seth, Paul, Zach, Lauren, and Jane was interesting. I don't really feel like getting into it. Let's just say I got mad at Lauren for telling Steve and Paul about a certain night I shared with a certain someone and she didn't leave out any details. Tomorrow it will be all over school.
Which is why I'm not going.
Wednesday I went to NYC. It was amazing. I'd been there for baseball games and such, but I've never really spent a day in the city. Which is weird because I only live around 3 hours away.
We were in the Manhatten area and we went and saw Beauty and the Beast on Broadway. It was absolutely amazing. Afterwards we had a Q&A session with a few of the actors and I met Cristy Carlson Romano. It wasn't that great. She looks exactly like she does on TV. :P Lauren, on the other hand, was freaking out.
We went on the NBC studio tour and went on different sets like Late Night with Conan O'Brian and SNL.
We didn't get a chance to do much shopping but Lauren and I are planning to go back soon to do so.
We took a lot of pictures and I'm hoping to scan a few onto the computer when I get them developed.
Anyway it was a long day; I got up at 5am and we got back at 10:30pm. I'm still wicked tired because of it and that's my excuse for not going to school tomorrow.
We've had flood watches all night.
Florida in 7 days.
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| Saturday, March 20th, 2004
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11:15 pm
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1. Enter your first name only into Google.
2. Then click the "Images" tab.
3. Pick your favorite 4 and post them in your journal.
4. Write the LJ name of the person you stole this from. ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) krazieecko
5. ( lj cut )
I went to a party tonight. It was at my friends house. She has an indoor pool, flat screen TV's in every room, and in the pool room there was a huge theater screen where you could play video games or watch dvds. I had fun swimming and messing around in the sauna with friends. Aisling and I got out of the pool and ran outside in just our bikinis and rolled around in the snow and then ran back and jumped into the 100 degree water.
We all played a couple rounds of street sweeper and then an awesome game of suck and blow.
Sorry for this boring post, but I'm in a really good mood and I want to have this down somewhere so I can read it on a crappy day to bring back good memories.
I have a lot of work to do tomorrow...
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| Thursday, March 18th, 2004
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10:05 pm - My fairy tale moment.
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I had a concert tonight. We messed up a few times, but I don't really care right now. The concert let out and I was searching through an ocean of people for my mom.
"Who are you looking for?" I turned my head and saw James.
"Just my mom," I replied with a smile.
"I'll help," And so we were squishing by people and James grabbed my hand. "Just so I don't lose you," he said.
Now, I know James likes me. I like him too... as a friend. He is really hot, and smart, and funny, so I don't know why I don't feel more. Maybe because I always felt like Bailey had dibs on him or something. Anyway....
James says, "Where did you park?"
"By the new cafeteria... I think," I replied. And so we headed over there. As we got to the East Wing there were less and less people. We got the new cafeteria and saw that we were the only ones there. I got out my cell phone and called my mom.
"Hey Mom, I'm waiting over by the new cafeteria," I said.
"Oh, I'm by the new gym. You stay right there and I'll come to you. There's a lot of traffic though so I might be a few minutes," My mom replied.
I hung up. "She's coming. You can go if you want," I said to James.
"I have no where to go. I'll stay here and keep you company," Was all he said.
"So crew starts on Monday," I said.
"Yeah, I can't wait. But hey, were you okay on Tuesday? I saw you were crying but you left before I could talk to you. Is it Sabrina?" I loved James at this moment. I could tell from the sincerity in his voice that he really cared.
"Yeah, but I'll be okay. Change is good but that doesn't mean it isn't hard,"
Then, it was a Hollywood moment. We were just standing there staring at each other, slowly moving in and James says in barely a whisper, "You have the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen," And we kissed. He put his arms around me and I just melted into him. It was amazing. Then, after what I realized what I was doing I pulled away. "Sorry, I-" James started to say, but I interrupted him.
"No, I'm sorry," I glanced out the window and saw the car. "I'll see you on Monday, then," I smiled at him, turned around, and walked out the door.
I think it was one of the best moments in my life. It seemed like it was taken right out of a movie. But at the same time I feel so horrible about it. I feel like maybe I was leading him on.
I did a lot of thinking and I finally realized what I want. I don't want a boyfriend. I want a friends with benefits kind of thing. The truth is, I hate relationships. I always end up feeling trapped. I'm so picky and I get bored so easily.
Gosh... So many problems.
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| Tuesday, March 16th, 2004
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10:51 pm
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March hasn't been great.
I've just been so stressed lately with school and everything. It snowed today, which made me even more sad.
I sit next to Steve in social studies now. He picked up my pencil and wrote me notes in the margin of the paper. I liked it a lot. It made me feel special.
I told Krystle about this journal. Hey Krystle! :P
It's funny. I can close my eyes and convince myself that I'm sitting in the kitchen in Maine playing cards. It's so wonderful, but at the same time it makes me want to cry.
I hate how I only spend a month in Maine in the summer and for most of that time I don't get to be at camp with the people I love, like Krystle, Kayleigh, Kim, Keagan, Jackie, and the rest of the Stones.
Ha. Keagan. Krystle knows what I'm talking about. I was talking to Chelsea and she just randomly goes, "I could see you and Keagan together,"
And then of course my conversations with Krsytle, and then Alex goes, "You think Keagan's a cutie, don't you?"
Hmm... It just seems like yall know something I don't. Am I even spelling his name right?
Crew starts next week. I honestly cannot wait. I can't wait to get back into shape and then get on the river again. The winter is just too long. I'm still really upset about Sabrina leaving us, but I talked to her and we're going out to lunch. And then Carla.... Eh. I don't feel like talking about it anymore.
Well, I'm tired. And I have to get up at six tomorrow.
James is cool.
( eh, )
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| Sunday, March 14th, 2004
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7:12 pm
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| Tuesday, March 9th, 2004
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10:35 pm
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Dear Sabrina,
First of all, I'd like to apologize if it seems like I'm stepping out of line. Maybe I am, but this is an email I just had to write.
When I went to the meeting tonight with my friends and team mates, we were all very excited. Many of us thought that we would see you tonight. Instead, we got the news that you would not be returning this season. Jackie, got up and left. She came back a few minutes later, crying. However, she was not the only one.
I couldn't listen to what Matt was telling us the whole night. The words, "Sabrina will not be coming back," rang inside my head and my vision was blurred by tears.
I remember seeing you at the mall. We talked about the spring season. We talked about how we couldn't wait.
The meeting finished and as soon as we all stepped outside we sobbed. We held each other. Deena spoke up, "Girls, what would Sabrina say if she saw us right now?"
"She'd be crying too," Jackie replied and that sent us all into more raging sobs. I tried laughing, but couldn't. I was smiling and sobbing. I knew if you were there Sabrina, you would look past our tears and see a strong team comforting each other in their time of need. It was such a bittersweet moment.
You can take credit for all of this, Sabrina. And I'm not trying to make you feel guilty.
I'm thanking you.
If it weren't for you, our team would not be this close today.
Some say the reason we were crying was because you would not be coming back. But I think we were crying because we were remembering all of the times we shared together, good and bad, and we realized that those are all the memories we'll ever have.
Sabrina, you taught me so much. You became more than a friend; you became my older sister. And what saddens me the most is the possibility that I will never see you again.
I know the reason you left must be important and substantial because you loved us just as much as we loved you, maybe even more.
You have always been my coach and now I feel sorry for Carla. She could never replace you, Sabrina, and she's coming to coach a team she knows nothing about. I hope you talked to her. I hope she knows about our secret weapon, the quad, and I hope you told her that I'm stroke, not bow, or 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, or 2 seat.
The relationship we all had took time to develop. Deena, Jackie, and I were mini coaches. But to Carla, we're all the same. Carla does not know me as a rower or a person. She does not know my erg times or my personality. She doesn't know about that hard time I went through last year, and she wasn't at our championship races that we proudly won.
Sabrina, we all miss you so much. We understand that you are moving on to bigger and better things but that does not take the hurt away. We hope to see you again and often. We have become so close over the past years and it's just cruel to be cut off from you now. You will always be my favorite coach, advocate, and mentor. Nothing could ever change that.
This season's championships are June 5th. We're gonna win them, Sabrina... for you.
Sincerely,
Emily
& the rest of the Niskayuna Girls Crew Team.
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| Sunday, March 7th, 2004
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10:39 pm
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I'm talking to Ryan for the first time since December. I miss him so much... I didn't realize how much I took him for granted until he left.
Damn you, southern California for taking away my first love and my best friend.
And now talking to him is making me feel even worse.
Me: have you found another emily stone?
Ryan: ha, i wondered if you still remembered that
Ryan: kinda...
Me: ha. so i guess im really not one of a kind
Ryan: well, she is more punk. and she wears clothes not brands-i dont think she has any clothes with a brand name on them
Me: ... yeah
Ryan: we actually did hookup too
The Ryan I knew would comfort me and tell me, "oh, of course you're on of a kind! emily, you're one of the most amazing people I know. I could never find anyone like you,"
Me: im never gonna see you again.. am i?
Ryan: i see you right now
That's more like the Ryan I knew.
He threw a going away party towards the end of December. I didn't go. I thought that if I avoided it he wouldn't leave. If I pretended like he wasn't moving, then he wouldn't. I would walk into school on Monday and he'd be there. And we'd talk and laugh and hug just like every other day. I've regretted not going ever since.
God, I really hate myself sometimes.
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| Monday, March 1st, 2004
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10:17 pm - I get so easily distracted.
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You take my breath away like the cold wind hitting my face. I inhale again, but the wind never stops.
And suddenly I'm suffocating. I can't breath. and I'm scared.
I feel so alive. I've never felt so alive.
I try to laugh and I pass out as I realize there is no oxygen left. But I land on the bed and you're there too. And your touch sets me on fire. Your fingers leave crisp burns across my arms and stomach.
I arch my back in ectasy and your smiling lips move up across my chest and neck.
I grip the sheets, bracing myself for when it will all end.
And I'm left breathless, wondering if it was the wind or really you.
( But it doesn't really matter. )
No matter how hard I try, It always comes back to you.
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| Monday, February 23rd, 2004
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8:05 pm - Vamos, Jose's on his way
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So today was a Monday. It started out really boring... but what can you expect from school?
11:05 I was sitting in science class across from Emma. We were friends way back in 6th and 7th grade, but in 8th grade she became "popular" and started hanging out with a new group. So as I was sitting there taking notes, she hands me a piece of paper. However, this is nothing new. "Hand it to Alyssa?" I asked, because that is what I usually do considering that Alyssa sits behind me.
"No, it's for you," She replied. Interesting, I thought to myself.
-Are you still friends with Gina?
+Yeah, I guess. We don't spend a lot of time together since she goes to BG now, but we have some awesome AIM conversations and when we do hangout we always have fun.
-That's cool. Why didn't you come to Secrets with all of us on Saturday?
+I don't know... I was really tired and I wasn't in a dancing mood.
-Oh, okay. Hey remember when we hungout in 7th grade and we had so much fun? We should get together sometime.
Weird, I thought to myself. I started to write my response when, "What do you think Emily? What should go in one of the columns?" Mrs. Judd called on me.
Shit, but to my left Emma was whispering, "Temperature,"
Cool.
So we continued to pass notes; something I haven't done since middle school.
And now I'm wondering... what did I do to "get in"? I was never well liked by her new friends, and as much as I wondered why, I just accepted it. All of us are going to Secrets next Saturday. And by us I mean Emma, Alyssa, Jane, Jenn, Sarah, Emily and I'm sure many other people.
The rest of the day went by slowly, and then my other favorite class, Social Studies, came at the end of the day. Mr. Ackley learned his lesson and sat me in the front row, but throughout the whole class Lauren and Paul were trying to get my attention.
Finally at the end of class Lauren shows me her assignment notebook...
The idiot put all these pictures of me and her along with other people on her assignment notebook. Fine, right? Wrong. These certain pictures were taken at her party... where we all got drunk. She seemed to like them, but there was one of me being silly and grabbing my boobs, and another of me with whipped cream all over my face and my tongue sticking out.
"Geez, Lauren. You could have at least put the pictures of us with the beer bottles in our hands to explain the rest of them," I said.
"But I don't want to get in trouble," was all she said.
So I was at my locker and Paul goes, "Hey I saw the pictures," Grrrreeaat. I thought. "I asked Lauren for a copy of the boob picture," and then he just walked away.
Any embarrassment I had went away when I learned that everyone who saw them liked them and thought it was cool I had a sense of humor and that they thought I looked hot.
Steve is obsessed with the boob picture and hey, that's fine with me.
Advocacy came and I just talked with Jane the whole time. She talked a lot about the sale at Victoria's Secret and then asked me what my sizes are so hmmm... I wonder what she is going to buy me. After David started trying to put his hands down my pants Jane saved me and we went out in the hall and met up with Steve and Colton. Colton did this massage on my hand which felt really good and then he admitted he was trying to steal my ring. Then Steve gave me a hug and it lasted really long but apparently he was trying to "unhook my necklace," which is funny because I didn't know my necklace was in the same place where my bra hook is. The bell rang and we laughed and talked as we walked out of school and I was walking ahead of Jane, Steve, and Colton and later Jane informed me that I was really clueless about what goes on when I'm not looking. Mainly, "she's soo hott!!" and there was "drooling over me".
In conclusion, today was very good. I like this immature nonsense and carefree flirting. I love feeling wanted or desired. I like how things are seeming to go my way lately and how I haven't felt this good in years.
But, things aren't all hunky dorey, or however it's spelled. I'm on cloud nine right now. The only place left for me to go is down...
I'm not even gonna bother proofreading this thing.
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| Sunday, February 22nd, 2004
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9:56 pm
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Killington was fun. My dad decided to buy me a lesson. My instructor, Jim, asked, "So when are cheerleading tryouts?"
I could tell it was going to be fun. /sarcasm
I corrected him, "Oh, I'm not into that," to which he replied,
"Then what do you do?"
"I row in the spring and fall, ski in the winter, and when I get the chance I do both field and ice hockey,"
"Oh,"
I think Jim liked it better when he thought I was a cheerleader. I went off on my own... lack of judgement on my part. When Jim and his search party finally found me he explained how I should try harder not to get lost. I just laughed and said, "I wasn't lost! I knew where I was the whole time. I just decided to go off by myself,"
Jim didn't like me very much.
And tomorrow it's back to the same boring routine. Go to school, come home, go to sleep, think about doing homework, eat dinner, and then work on homework. I don't know why some people don't like block scheduling. I like not having the same classes every day.
( I am way too bored. )
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| Sunday, February 15th, 2004
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9:11 pm
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| Saturday, February 14th, 2004
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11:10 am - I need practice.
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Realmente no buscaba para esquiar club ayer por la noche. Mi papá decidía al chaperone y pasé el paseo allí caí bajo en mi asiento que escuchaba mis auriculares. Finalmente conseguimos allí sin embargo y las cosas eran mejores. Conseguí un poco de alimento y comía cuando es Matt y Kevin vino encima a mí. No los sabía, pero parecían mucho más viejos que mismo. "¿Dicho mate, qué se está encendiendo?" y acabo de mirar para arriba y sonreí.
"No mucho. Realmente no deseé venir esta noche. He tenido una mala semana," contesté. Y hablamos. Me familiaricé con que ellos y ellos eran realmente agradables. Fui a esquiar con ellos. Esquís y snowboards mates de Kevin. Reímos. Teníamos diversión. Para el final de la noche tenía eso, yo amo cada uno y todo, sintiéndose. Me hizo maravilla si me deslizaron
algo. Pero si yo no cuide. Era diversión. Tengo que limpiar hoy. Pienso que voy a comprar un coche nuevo, aunque, que golpea extremo con el pie.
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| Thursday, February 12th, 2004
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7:17 pm
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I hate being the girl that guys are too afraid to talk to. I was talking to my friend Drew when I found out that pretty much every guy thinks that I am "hot". But because I am shy around people I don't know, people see me as a mysterious, sexy woman who is intimidating. Grrrreeaaat. Just what I wanted to hear. I think it's lame.
I also hate most girls. After one of my friends heard a new rumor today involving her she
just assumes I started it. "Come on," I said. "Do you really think I'm that immature? You know I'm not that kind of girl," And still I got the cold shoulder from her and every one of our mutual friends.
I came home all upset and my mom told me that the reason people are being mean is jealousy. She's right. Jane knows how Steve feels.
Speaking of which, I have a huge crush on Steve. So does Jane. God. It's like I'm in middle school all over again. Why is it so hard for me to believe that he "has a thing" for me also?
Tomorrow I have ski club which I am not looking forward to.
And of course Saturday is Valetine's Day. The sad thing is, I've never had a boyfriend when Valentine's Day comes around... Shows how successful my relationships are.
Anyway I have to go do science homework. Watching an ice cube melt is the most stupid and pointless assignment ever.
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| Monday, February 2nd, 2004
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7:32 pm
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so bored.. and sick. and no one reads this anyway so why the hell not.
( and then? )
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7:33 am
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I'm still here. I think.
I'm here, living my life; continuing on. And yet, time is flying by me and I feel like I still haven't done anything. Take school for example. The first day was yesterday, and now the first semester is already over. And I haven't done anything. I sit in class and daydream until the bell rings. Then I go to a different class and do the same thing.
Yesterday my sister asked me to be her bridesmaid for her wedding in June.
I went to Lake Placid for the weekend. It was cold and I had to walk everywhere. I was fine though, as long as I didn't have to talk to anyone. I needed time to think. A young man asked me where the Gap was and then he proceded to ask my name. I told him my name was Kiki and when he asked I gave him not my number, but the number to a chinese takeout place back home.
I sat in my hotel room eating smarties and watching the Eukanuba dog show. I wanted the 13" Beagle to win.
Then again, there are a lot of things I want...
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| Sunday, January 25th, 2004
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2:25 pm
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I am pathetic. Is there one journal entry where I haven't talked about guys? Not that it should matter. Afterall, it's my journal and I'm the only one that reads it.
I went to a lockin at my church and to avoid boredom I invited Lauren. I am so glad I did. There is a reason we're best friends. When I went through all that shit with my old friends last year she was the only one that stuck with me. She was the only one who supported me, who comforted me. My other friends don't even understand. They can't. I was forced to grow up fast and I can't wait around for them to catch up.
Lauren and I were laying in our sleeping bags just talking. We concluded that we just need to get away. We've been living in this small, boring town our whole lives and the confinement is driving us mad.
Why does my life always have to feel like a soap opera?
I've started picking courses for next year. I'm really hesistant about my math recommendation. I took a test on Friday and I'm pretty sure I failed it.
I wish something would just happen in my favor for once...
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| Wednesday, January 21st, 2004
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4:34 pm
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Tuesday went by fast. I looked but I didn't see him. Then lunch came. He came in and sat down. I did my mingling with my friends but couldn't help staring at him.
Damn that boy dresses well. I found myself thinking. I was mesmerized by his smile. But something was different.
What happened to the butterflies? The ones that grew in the pit of my stomach and traveled south. They hadn't come this time. I smiled to myself and returned to my soggy pizza. As I lightly sipped milk from my straw I looked up. And there he was. Staring at me, with his sweet brown eyes.
He is not like Brian. He is not tall and skinny with blond hair and striking blue eyes. He is muscular and only 5 inches taller than myself. He has brown hair and brown eyes that make me feel safe and carefree.
Damn that boy has nice arms. I found myself thinking. And at that moment I wanted him to wrap his strong arms around me and comfort me like his eyes did. The butterflies made a home in my stomach once again, but it being January, they decided to migrate south for awhile.
I see him a lot more than I see Brian. I have conversations with him regularly... He was right under my nose this whole time, and I never once gave him any thought.
Okay, maybe one or two thoughts.
I flashed him a smile and he just smiled back and went back to working on unfinished homework.
So I've been thinking. Am I finally over Brian? It would seem that way. Maybe Sunday night/Monday morning was closure. It was just what I needed to be able to move on; to let go.
So I've finally reached my goal. He and his hypnotic blue eyes no longer have power over me...
[ Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<font=small>') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.] Tuesday went by fast. I looked but I didn't see him. Then lunch came. He came in and sat down. I did my mingling with my friends but couldn't help staring at him.
<i>Damn that boy dresses well.</i> I found myself thinking. I was mesmerized by his smile. But something was different.
What happened to the butterflies? The ones that grew in the pit of my stomach and traveled south. They hadn't come this time. I smiled to myself and returned to my soggy pizza. As I lightly sipped milk from my straw I looked up. And there <i>he</i> was. Staring at me, with his sweet brown eyes.
He is not like Brian. He is not tall and skinny with blond hair and striking blue eyes. He is muscular and only 5 inches taller than myself. He has brown hair and brown eyes that make me feel safe and carefree.
<i>Damn that boy has nice arms.</i> I found myself thinking. And at that moment I wanted him to wrap his strong arms around me and comfort me like his eyes did. The butterflies made a home in my stomach once again, but it being January, they decided to migrate south for awhile.
I see him a lot more than I see Brian. I have conversations with him regularly... He was right under my nose this whole time, and I never once gave him any thought.
<i>Okay, maybe one or two thoughts.</i>
I flashed him a smile and he just smiled back and went back to working on unfinished homework.
So I've been thinking. Am I finally over Brian? It would seem that way. Maybe Sunday night/Monday morning was closure. It was just what I needed to be able to move on; to let go.
So I've finally reached my goal. He and his hypnotic blue eyes no longer have power over me...
<font=small>I think.</font> |
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| Monday, January 19th, 2004
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3:00 pm
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I've been feeling very depressed lately. This time off has been nice, but tomorrow it will be back to school and time to face Him. I don't like how I'm being immature about this.
Last night, after being confined to my room, I started going mad. I was so bored and so annoyed at people calling me from the party telling me what a good time I was missing. 1:30am, I lay on my bed when my cell phone rang. The loud noise made me jump.
"Hey! Why aren't you here?" My friend Kristina called.
"Lonng story," I just wanted to hang up. I wasn't interested in hearing once again how sorry people were that I couldn't make the party.
"Oh, that's too bad. He's here,"
Ohh great, I thought. There was no way I was going to be staying in my room.
I immediately grabbed my fire ladder from under my bed, opened my window, and let it down. I called Mike and left a message on his phone.
I love sneaking out. The rush is amazing. It was a very cold night but I felt warm and I had butterflies in my stomach.
As I emerged from River Road park, Mike's car pulled up and I got in.
I walked in the door and I immediately regretted coming. This party had been going on for a little while and it would only be a matter of time before the police came to bust it.
Nevertheless, I took a sip from a cup of something Mike handed to me and I enjoyed the buzz that got me dizzy. I started to calm down as I saw how many people were there and I realized that the chances of getting caught were pretty slim.
I found a few friends and started talking and dancing to the music. Enough playing around, I thought. There was a reason I came here tonight.
I spotted Him out and made eye contact. Not enough time, so I walked up and started talking. I wish I remembered what we talked about. It had been 2 years since the last time we talked. The alcohol was starting to set in. He grabbed my hand and led me to a less crowded room. He told a joke, I laughed.
And suddenly, I was flat on my back on the couch with Him on top of me. Soft kisses, rough groping, intense kissing, light touches. I was in heaven.
And as I exhaled, He inhaled, I inhaled, He exhaled. I felt weightless. I felt amazing.
He looked up and stopped. It was cruel, but I didn't have time to object. He grabbed my hand and pulled me off the couch. It was hard to walk straight, but as we went out through the back porch and I saw the streetlight illumniate the police car I knew we had to run. And as we ran, I couldn't help but smile. Why do I always have to be right?
I don't know how we did it, but we finally ended up back at river road park. We slowed down to a walk as we entered the woods.
We picked up from where we left off. I should have been cold in the snow, but I was on fire. Instead the snow stung. It stung my back, neck, my knees, and then my palms. My pants and shirt became soaked from sweat and the melting snow. I started shivering and I wished that it wasn't night so I could see His blue eyes.
We got up and started walking back. We talked, but it was all empty words. We both knew that on Tuesday things would go back to the way they were before. It's good though. It's fine, it is. This cannot be part of my reality, because I had dreamed of it before. It was my one wish. And now that it had come true, there's no reason to try to mesh it with reality.
It's too prefect, too untouchable.
And to taint it would break my heart.
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